A Lesbian Wedding -The Triumphs, Trials and Tears (Part 2)

I can't wait!

Triumph #2 (for the most part) - I told the kids.  As expected, my daughter and daughter-in-law were excited and couldn't wait to start planning;  also as expected, my son was somewhat noncommittal.  Unfortunately, he's had a much harder time dealing with my sexuality (but, in his defense, I'd lived a lie for most of his life; he's been much better about it since I've been with Wen but doesn't like to talk about it much).  When I questioned him about it, his response was "I don't know...Mom, I don't know" but he went on to say that he hated being in anyone's wedding (which I know to be true from past experiences).  Lucky for him, he still has almost two years to come completely to terms with it lol.

Party! - Together or separate?

Trial #3 - What are we supposed to do about the night-before festivities?  Do we each have our own bachelorette party?  Do we have a combined one with all of our friends and family?  Do we split up for a little while only to meet up for one big party?  I consider her friends and family to be my own and she feels the same for mine.  This is one we'll have to sit down and chat about.  My gut instinct is to have part together and part separately....but again, I kinda want to be with everyone while we celebrate. I think it might be fun to have a HUGE blow-out with all of us there. Besides, it's not like either of us would be out to sow any wild oats (at least she'd better not; I'll cut a bitch) (yes, I realize that sounds terrible, but it's actually just an inside joke with all of us so please don't worry....the knife will stay put away lol)

Ergh

Trial #4 - Money.  She makes a whole lot of it; I make a little tiny bit of it.  Somehow, though, I have to figure out where I can cut my monthly budget so that I can contribute to the wedding fund.  The one thing that I really have to offer here is the fact that I LOVE diy-ing it, and I want to do much of the decorations, cooking, etc. myself (and with friends and family).

(we'll probably opt for clothing for our wedding prep)

Triumph #4 - Friends/Family.  We have a lot of crafty and loving friends/family that will be not only willing but also excited to help me with all of the prep.  It is seriously one thing that I'm absolutely ecstatic about....just the thought of a bunch of us hanging out, getting things ready for my wedding makes me giddy :)

Getting to know.......Me

Looking back over the last year or so, I'm really amazed at what I see. I went from being a miserable, sheltered girl who moved out of mom and dad's house, directly into my husband's...someone who was a bit stunted at age 19 (that's when I got married -- with my first child coming that year, and my second the next year). I'd never been on my own, never given myself permission to have a social life, and certainly never gave myself a break for all of my "failures". I stayed because it was what I had convinced myself that I had to do. At first, it was because I felt I'd made my bed and now I had to lie in it....as things got worse and worse, I amended that to "until the kids graduated". Despite this, I never really saw myself as being able to get out...I felt sure I'd be far too weak to leave because I believed that everyone elses' happiness came before mine (this included the happiness of the husband who mistreated me, lied to me, cheated on me and once blacked my eye and choked me out in our back yard after a fight). Thankfully, at some point, I started to realize that I really did deserve to be happy...I do deserve to live my life for ME. Of course, my kids still, and always will come first, but I'm learning so many things about myself all the time. I'm also doing things that make me proud (some of the big things for me have been cooking poultry - the stuff freaks me out - and opening my very first checking account that was mine and mine alone! It may not seem like that big of a deal to some people but for me it was! I'm learning how to be alone and how to be lonely - two completely different things, each with it's own merit. I'm learning who my real friends are and who didn't make the cut. I'm learning that life is too short to not make the very most of every minute of every day! I'm learning who I am and learning to be happy in my own skin. I'm learning not to give other people my power - some people will use me and some will hurt me, but they can only hurt me as much as I allow them to. I'm learning that it's so much better to be me - the person I really am; not some false image projected to distract people from the truth. I've learned that just because someone is blood, it doesn't mean that they'll stick by you when it counts....but the ones who do? They're the only ones that matter. I've learned that I'm such a strong, intelligent woman...much stronger than I ever knew....and I'm proud.